I hate college essays.

I hate college essays. I don’t like the idea of pinning myself down in five hundred words, and I don’t like prompts that make me force myself into pretending that I am what the perfect University of Wherever student is, thinks, and does. Around two years ago, when I was applying to schools (foolishly thinking that I belonged anywhere but Wilson), I found myself wondering why the colleges of the world are obsessed with leadership skills. While I value the leaders of the world, I did not consider myself one of them. Let’s admit it – sometimes group projects are as frustrating as teaching kittens how to jump rope. I’m not saying that I refuse help or don’t like the company of other people – it’s just that I’ve always been better at badminton than soccer, kayaking than crew, and term papers than biology labs. I’m fiercely independent and value taking on all the responsibility I can handle, and nothing stresses me out more than being forced to tell my peers what to do. And you know what? I think that’s one of my biggest strengths. I think that it’s beautiful to be a committed and faithful follower and to know when someone is better qualified to do the leading. I believe in the power of the individual striking out on her own and the empowerment of doing something by oneself. So, I sent in just about the sassiest essay you ever did read about why my lone wolf nature was an asset to the community. Unfortunately, all my honesty got me was the opportunity to put my name on the wait-list of a fine educational institution, which I joyously refused. I have since embraced the leadership abilities we all have hiding deep inside our introvert psyches, but I still have not learned how to quit sassing my superiors.

That being said, part one of our essay section tends to freak people out a little bit. It’s not that we’re asking you to do something particularly difficult. We’re just not really asking you to do something in particular at all. That’s a really scary concept after writing dozens of five-paragraph explanations of why you absolutely positively are the model of perfection. Really, our first essay can be happiest ray of sunshine in your college essay world. So let’s define the boundaries of the revolutionary boundary-free essay. Here’s what you do: Write something down. Tell us a story about playground politics. Make a youtube video. Compose a poem about your dog. Analyze what being in the marching band did for your personality. Make us laugh. Illustrate it. Write about how your mother taught you to cook. Explain how exactly you became a communist. Incorporate Ani Difranco quotes wherever possible. Translate it into every language you know. Whatever! We’re not asking you to outline your leadership skills or explain in excruciating detail why your trip to Costa Rica / Nepal / Guatemala / India made you want to save the world. The thing about our applicants is that every one of them would love to save the world/trees/environment. Tell us something that is outstanding about you, that makes us wonder how we’ve gotten through our lives without meeting someone quite as rad as you.

Go forth and tell us why you’re cool. Isn’t that refreshing?